Call the Bug Man

We moved into our house about 9 months ago and from day one was have been fighting to keep these little tiny nasty "German roaches" from taking over. It might seem for weeks that they are gone, then all of a sudden I start seeing a few of them again. Our house has been sprayed by the bug man more times than I can count. Seeing them in the laundry room, or bathroom is pretty disgusting, but the even nastier thing is what happens after he comes; I find tons and tons of dead bugs everywhere, the kitchen counters, the pantry, all over the house. That means that the day before the bug man came, those same bugs were alive in those same places, hiding out of site just waiting for the lights to go out so they could make their selves at home. So NASTY! (Please don't think we are dirty gross people, because we try hard to keep things clean and sanitary, but these little pests are more than we can handle sometimes. LOL!)

This week as I was reading in Ephesians I came across a passage that reminded me of my little roaches. "For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible." (5:8-13)

All of us have things in our life that we would rather keep hidden in the dark, secrets from others, secrets from God. We all have our roaches; our sins, our anger, our unforgivness. And as long as we keep the lights off they are free to roam and live and devour whatever they want. That is good news for the roaches but very bad news for our hearts' condition. God wants so badly for us to allow him to shed light in those dark places in our hearts so that he can exterminate the bugs and replace them with the "fruit of light"; good things that honor and please him. Jesus said "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." (John 8:12) Jesus longs to light the way for us and he is the only one who can. Without him we will be walking in darkness and also be full of darkness. I don't know about you but after just a few cloudy days I am longing for the sunshine. We are not like the roaches who prefer darkness to light, we are made to be Jesus followers made to thrive in the Light. The concealing effects of darkness maybe lull us into thinking everything is OK, but we are only deceiving ourselves. Roaches won't go away on their own, they are persistent pests, they reproduce quickly. True peace and freedom will only come when we open our whole lives to examination by the Light and let him clean house, after which we will be able to figure out what pleases God. And sense pleasing God is what we are made for, the roach free, lighted life is the most satisfying one out there! I am calling the bug man again today to come exterminate another generation of gross insects from my house. And I am praying that I will have the bold faith to allow Jesus to continual shine into my heart and keep the roaches out of his home in me!

Top 10 Positive Reasons for Back to School

I need to blog but I don't know what about...

So how about 10 positive things about school starting next week? ( I am trying to convince myself)

10. I will know what day of the week it is.

9. Everyone will be back at church since vacations are over.

8. Pep rallies and football games; though I didn't enjoy these in my younger years they are much more fun now as an adult and bystander! :)

7. Raegan and I will have more one-0n-one time to work on her reading skills.

6. Opportunities to meet new people and share life with strangers through the girls' classrooms.

5. More time to blog and write (maybe).

4. Fall might be coming sometime in the next few months bringing cooler temperatures?!

3. Returning to a bedtime/waking up schedule.

2. Enjoying delicious(lol) lunches with my youth at school!

1. I get to share my little lights (Hadley Morgan and Caedlyn Tatum) with a dark and dying world, kind of like mini missionaries!

Honestly after the bottom five I got stumped and had to stretch for the top 5, I guess I need more convincing than I thought. It would have been way easier to write a top 10 list just about the beauty that cooler temperatures will bring, like more comfortable outside time to go for walks or jump on the trampoline, fall leaves, cooler weather meals. See that's 3 without even thinking. Anyway I digress haha.

All good things come to an end, I guess, and this summer was a great one, we enjoyed Ranger's games, 6 flags, VBS, visits to family, tons of swimming and so much more. As much as I don't want to send the girls to school next week, I am trying to make a conscience effort to make the most of every opportunity (Colossians 4:5) and let God use me and my family in this season! I want to shine like a star for Him in any and every place He puts me and as of next week that will be as a mom/student pastor's wife in the school building. I pray that I might be radiant!

WOW

I have been so busy with my summer months that this blog is looking like a ghost town!! I am sorry that I have not kept you all up to date on what God has been up to, but believe me, He has been working!! Big time!! Our Student Ministry has bloomed like nothing we could have ever expected, the students are shocking me with their changed hearts and lives on a daily basis, they are learning to rely on God, be real with each other, be upcouraging :), serve, share and love! God has also used this summer to teach me so much! On more occasions than I would like admit I have found myself stressed about circumstances or finances, pointlessly worried about how something will work out. And yet even in my doubt and fear God has worked in out for us and every time He not only provided what we needed but so much more. Here are a couple examples: I needed to take my girls to Lubbock to stay with my mom while we took the youth to camp, so I needed about a $100 extra for gas money,that may not sound like a lot, but around here anything extra is a stretch! I asked God to take care of it and instead of giving me the money he gave me free plane tickets which saved me $100 and 14 hours that week!! AMAZING!! Then like the forgetful sheep I am, I started stressing about how we were going to afford school clothes and shoes and supplies, I figured we needed about $500 for all of that, so again I asked God to take care of that need, and through a very random string of events He not only gave us what we needed, but multiplied the amount I asked for and really blessed us. Lets just say that I was even able to get new shoes and a hair cut!!

There are several other examples I could share with you to show just how much God is making provision for us. This has shown me how dependent we are on God and how good He is to provide for us when we just come to the end of what we can do and admit that without Him it is impossible. The last few weeks on Wednesday night with our students we have been in a series called "Battle Ready" looking at some of the epic, unbelievable things God did and wants to do. Last night Tommy taught the youth from Philippians 4: 12-13 "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." And I can really relate to what Paul is saying here. We have had times of hardship in our life and are now experiencing a time of plenty and in both situations I know that it is only because of God that we can make it through!! To Him be the glory for the lesson I have learned in every situation!! With Him I can truly do ANYTHING!!

We Are The Body Part 1-What Big Ears You Have

I have been pretty sick this week and that helped me realize how much I take being well for granted and how much I need every part of my body to be working properly for my daily life to flow smoothly. And you guessed it, this also made me think about how the Bible says we (the church) are the Body of Christ and how badly the church needs all its members working properly for it to function smoothly as well. I think this will take more than one post because there is so much to be said, so I am planning a short series entitled "We are the Body".

So here goes... We are the Body Part 1- What Big Ears You Have

This weekend I had tons of family visiting for my middle daughter's 7th birthday party as well as for her baptism. Some came and left and a few stayed for most of the weekend. I loved it, but it is always a lot of work before, during and after family visits, and to make matters worse I started feeling bad on Friday. In an effort to make the most of the time I had with my family, I didn't slow down one bit and pushed through the weekend as best I could, but by Monday night I was in so much pain I got almost no sleep. My ear was swollen shut, my head was pounding, my face and neck were swollen and I was miserable. First thing Tuesday I called the doctor for an appointment and ended up getting 2 shots and four prescriptions, not to mention the "wick" she had to shove down my ear to help the medicine get past the swelling. My ear was the main source of my misery, it was throbbing with every heart beat, so swollen that my face was numb, I couldn't move my jaw to chew and even the outer part of my ear hurt, not to mention I still cannot hear out of it. In fact my ear hurt so bad that the air from a fan blowing on it was painful! I felt like the wolf in "Little Red Riding Hood" with ear so big anyone could notice but in fact, no one could tell. Except me that is, I could sure tell, other than the pain the worst part was the inability to hear. I guess I just take hearing for granted, but when I suddenly couldn't hear it was really a problem. My girls were getting annoyed because I they had to repeat themselves several times before I understood what they were asking me, I felt uncomfortable driving, the TV had to be turned up way loud for me to hear it and I felt like I was in my own little world. I know that if my hearing never returned I would somehow learn to manage life just fine without it, but I sure would miss hearing the girls laugh, the birds sing, the bugs chirp and reading closed captioning on the TV would be a pain. :)

This is how it is in the church too. The bible is very clear that all the Christians are meant to work together to make up the Body of Christ. Each of us has a certain job and in conjunction with one another we can do the work that Jesus has left us here to do.We need everyone, the ears, the toes, the shoulders, everything for the church to function correctly. And when any one member is either not letting themselves be part of the work or is not functioning properly the whole body suffers, just like the problem with my ear effected so many other parts of my body. So many times I have heard people say, "My relationship with God is between Him and I, it is personal and I don't need anyone else to love Jesus and serve Him." But I have to disagree, there is no way that one person can carry out all the jobs of all the parts of the body alone, we need each other, and that person that is trying to live for God in solitude is denying the body, as a whole the use of the gifts they have been given to contribute. On a daily basis my ears do not get a lot of specialized attention, except for a quick scrub in the shower, but I felt incomplete when they started not working. And the church is the same way, she has many people whose jobs may go seemingly unnoticed until one day they don't get done.

"And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body." 1 Corinthians 12:16 It is my prayer that we are all using out gifts and abilities to build up the body or Christ and encouraging those around us to do the same. I hope my church never feels as bad and incomplete as I have this week, but enjoys the smooth flow of everything part working together properly with no extra big ears or missing toes!!

Summer Musing

When I was a kid I cried when summer break arrived, I knew I wouldn't see my friends as much which was sad and even then I knew that the end of school every year meant the end of something that would never be exactly the same again. 4th grade wouldn't be like 3rd grade was, there would be a fresh mixture of kids, a different teacher, and a new schedule, not to mention new requirements and things to learn. I don't think I necessarily hated change, I just liked where I was and didn't mind staying there.

Now as a mom, I am thrilled that it is summer break for my kids. I love the extra time with them, the more relaxed schedule, the later bedtime (sleeping later) and the activities that we can enjoy! The only thing that I don't like about starting summer break is the same thing I didn't like as a child, the realization that another year has passed. My girls felt like the last weeks of their school year drug on and on, but to me it flew by, in fact Christmas was just the other day and they started 1st and 2nd grades just a few weeks ago. I don't know what it is about getting older that makes time seem to pass more quickly. Maybe because I am busier or have more to worry about, or maybe it goes by so quickly because I won't want it to!!

This spring I was able to attend a couple significant events for our youth students; 8th grade graduation and Troup High School graduation. Even though I have only know these kids for a few months, I had to fight back tears for them. The 8th grade ceremony was especially emotional for me! There was a slide show of pictures from their 3 years in Junior High and it was amazing to me to see how much they had grown and matured since the beginning of 6th grade! Watching the pictures of the girls pop up really got my attention, they entered 6th grade as little girls with messy ponytails and funny faces and were leaving 8th grade as young women with highlighted hair and make-up. So much happens in those few years; crazy!!

When my girls were born, wise mothers told me over and over, "enjoy them while they are little, they will grow up before you know it." And everyone of them was right, Haldey is 8 1/2, which means she is almost half way grown. She will be graduating in the year 2020, with Caedlyn right behind her in 2021, which sounds like a long way off to my ears, but my heart knows that it will be over in a flash.

Anyway, I said all that to say, I am trying to make a conscience effort every single day to make sure that when they graduate from 8th grade as young women and then from High School as able young adults, they know that they are amazing, loved, gifted, treasured women who were created for a unique purpose by the same hands that made the wonders of the night sky!! Proverbs 3:1-3 says "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven; a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot." I know there will come a time when all three of my girls will uproot and head out to start their own lives and families and though the idea of that is bitter sweet, I want to focus on planting everything I can now so they will be ready then! I pray that those of you who have children will make the most of every day with your kiddos as well, because our time with them is fleeting! And those of you who don't have children, who maybe are still living in your parents' house as a child, you too should remember that time flies so make the most of every day, with your family and friends, it will never be just like this again!

Computer Screens and June Bugs

Last night I was sitting outside to let poor neglected little Alphie the dog play, since he had been cooped up all day due to our busy schedule, and I needed to blog for the student ministry page, so I decided to multi-task and do it out doors. I love being outside and the night was beautiful, so I was very nice to sit out there in the peace and type while Alphie expended some pinned up energy, and my girls were already in bed which just increased the peace! As soon as I opened the laptop, I realized the down fall of my little plan; BUGS! All kinds of insects swarmed to the light of the computer screen as well as the porch light and were very distracting. In my personal opinion, June bugs are among the yuckiest of all bugs, they are kind of slow and so crunchy and their legs are all spiky; I just don't like them, but they apparently really like the glow of my computer, as do moths and other unidentified creatures! They were all over me, GROSS! And then my weird brain started to work... and you guessed it, a spiritual application came to me.

Matthew 5:14-16 says, "You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Those of us who are believers should be shining so brightly that people are drawn to us, just like those bugs were drawn to the lights. I am sure that bugs from all around could see the lights there were around me, because that is how light works, it pierces through the darkness. And the best way to shine is not with our mouths moving and saying how much we love God and people, but with our actions, our "good deeds". People will notice how we behave and want to be around us then we can share our lives with them and point them to Jesus, who will then get the praise and glory for it. Last night I would have loved to put a bowl over the computer screen to deter the bugs, but in our Christian walk we WANT to attract people, which means we cannot be "secret Christians"; people who just go to church, but don't live it out loud the rest of the week. That is definatly not putting our light on a stand to share with everyone.

It is my prayer that myself, my family, my youth, my church and everyone who enjoys the grace of God through Jesus, will live their lives in such a way that people all around them will not be able to stay away. We are all like moths or June bugs; it is nice to be around others who love us and are kind and we can be that light for everyone who sees us! So shine on, and see what happens! :)

HOMERUN!

I guess the last post really took it out of me, because I haven't been able to come up with anything to blog about in almost 2 weeks. Today I decided to go ahead and write something, whether is was much or not, just to get my juices flowing again! And yet as I sit here, I've got nothing haha!

Oh wait... I think it is coming to me... yes... BASEBALL! :)

Tommy loves watching baseball and since it is that time of year and I like being in the same room as my husband, I get to watch a lot of it as well. Tonight it is the Rangers vs the Athletics, which if you are like me, means very little! I usually try to keep up with Tommy's teams and some players just so I will have something to talk to him about but I haven't been able to get into baseball very much this season. Anyway, just a few minutes ago one of the Rangers, who I have actually heard of, hit a home run, hard and fast out of the park. And the crown went wild! I couldn't help but laugh at the heavy-set grown men going crazy over another man's accomplishment! They were screaming, jumping, high five-ing and even "bro hugging", it was as if they had done something amazing themselves! But they didn't, their biggest contribution was buying a ticket and maybe having a hot dog!

As with so many things, I immediately saw this as a parable to the Christian life. There are always those people who seem to really be in the middle of what God is doing and they get to be a part of unbelievable things, hitting it out of the park. Then there are also those who stay in the stands and watch and wait and finally waste away! In my life, I don't want to be just the girl in the stands cheering the big dogs on, I want to be a home run hitter myself. Now I know that there are going to be times when I need to be the cheerleader and encourage those around me, but I don't want to sum total of my life be, "I saw some pretty cool stuff." I want to DO some pretty cool stuff, to be in the middle of the action and excitement. I am not satisfied with sitting around hearing stories of God using people, doing miracles, saving lives, changing hearts or completely shaking things up; Christians were never intended to just be spectators . Jesus please use me to do those things and let my life be so consumed with you that I can hit anything out of the park and inspire others to pick up a bat themselves!

Seeds, Sprouts and Vines of Doubt

Over the last couple of days I have been having a hard time... I am not sure what triggered it, but I am begining to have my eyes opened to where it is coming from. So here goes one of the honest confessions of an imperfect pastor's wife.

I think that throughout my adult life I have been tucking somethings away in my heart and without really noticing I let these seeds sprout into a vine that is entangling my mind. For years now I have been pushing it down trying to keep myself under control, but these vines of distrust, fear and doubt have grown so big that any little disturbance and they are out of control, causing sleepless nights, irrational thinking and stomach aches. This has been one of those weeks when I am unstable.

Years ago when I married a man called to church work I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into, don't get me wrong, I would do it all again in a heart beat, I just wasn't prepared for the heartache that was to come. I was very young in my own faith, I didn't ever have anyone disciple me, and I did not even really know anyone in the ministry, especially not a girl. I have felt like I have been charting my own course, like a pioneer, from the very beginning of this journey. As early as the very first church that we served in at the young age of 20, we have seen youth's lives changed, students grow into adults who serve God, kids called to the ministry and have been blessed beyond measure to see God do amazing things in our lives and the lives of others. This continued through out the last 10 years as our ministry has been our life. But on the flip side of that we have experienced nice Christian people turn on us, stab us in the back and hurt us deeply in every church we have served in. Please know that I in no way think we are victims or that we are without blame in these situations, I know that we were at many times impatient, less than gentle and prideful. My husband is a painfully honest, passionate man who has only recently learned tack and diplomacy,and with his personality and conviction will always come conflict to some degree. And I don't blame him either, I don't blame anyone it is just life. All I am saying is that every time a church reacted negatively to us, another seed was planted in my heart or a huge pile of fertilizer was poured on the seeds that were already there. We have been a part of 7 churches in the last 10 years, which means we have packed up all we own and moved that many times, left friends that many times, wondered what God was doing that many times and started over that many times. More instances than not the decision to move was not in the best circumstances and well, let's just say we don't go back to visit! The amazing thing is that every time God has worked in all things for our good, just like He promised He would. The bad thing is that even though I trust God to keep doing that, I don't trust people to give Him much to work with. Let me give you a few examples of how crazy these vines have made me; my husband got the opportunity to preach Sunday night and he was presenting to the church some exciting changes that are coming in the youth ministry, sounds easy enough, but the whole time I was thinking about how someone could take what he is saying the wrong way or twist it and it will just be a matter of time before we are packing again. Irrational I know, the awesome people at our church love us and support us like none ever before, and have given me no reason not to trust them, it is just those stupid vines of distrust that I cannot seem to weed out. I have also become aware this week that I am terrible at making friends, real friends that I know and trust enough to let them know me. I am great at making acquaintances and hanging out with people, but I have a hard time with anything more. And when I do start to get close to some one it always comes with worry and fear. Worry that for some random reason they will change their mind about me, or worse throw me to the wolves. Now these people I am spending time with had nothing to do with my bad experiences and have never done anything other than be kind and friendly to me, it is again the vines, this time the vine of fear! I complicate every thing by thinking the worst possible scenario is unfolding, I stay up at night praying about problems that I invented and I end up giving up on friendships because I know that one day they will end anyway. I am crazy!

The most frustrating and infuriating thing about all of it is that I know what I would tell some one else if they came to me with similar problems. I would say read 1Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." Romans 8:15, "For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." Or maybe 1 Peter 3:14,"But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear ; do not be frightened." I would say read Philippians 4:7, Psalms 22, 1 Corinthians 13 or any number of other verses that I would instantly think to share. I know the answers, but for some reason I am only cool enough to talk about the solution not really implement it in my own heart. And that drives me crazy, making me feel like a hypocrite! How is it that I think I can help teenagers with fear or distrust or doubts when I have let the vines of those things take over in my life? I think that I should be past all of these kinds of problems, I should practice what I preach and give it all to God and move forward. I just don't know how I guess, that is a weak excuse at best, but seems to be all I can come up with.

I have however, discovered something else this week: I am prideful and I want to be able to weed my heart by myself but judging from the condition of things I am an awful gardener. I have got to take me out of the equation and just give it all to God. And to be honest, I do not even really know how to do that, except ask Him to show me the way. This process of God pulling the nasty vines out of my heart is not going to be easy or quick, there are many layers to work through before the soil of my heart will be free of weeds. I do have confidence that eventually the holes that remains after the weeds are gone will be loose and ready for God to plant His peace in. "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." (John 15:1-4) I want so much to remain in Jesus and in His thought and attitudes, allowing Him to be the gardener of my life, pruning these poisonous vines out of my heart and mind so I can be all He wants me to be. Please pray for surrender and humility for me as I learn to let God do His job.

Sir Alfred Titus the Great

Meet my new shadow, er, I mean puppy Sir Alfred Titus the Great, or Alphie for short. He is a 7 week old long haired wienie dog. My dear, sweet husband decided the girls needed a little inside dog to dote on and I needed something else to clean up after so Alphie met both of those criteria, haha. He is pretty cute, but I am just not a big dog person, or a clean up pee in the house person, for that matter. I am hoping that Tommy is right and he will grow up to be a sweet member of the family. :)

Today was the first day since we got him that the big girls, who are old enough to watch him pretty good, had to go to school; it's just Raegan, the puppy and I. Mondays are when I try to get most of the laundry and some house cleaning done around the house, and today is no exception. As I started working on everything I realized we may have misnamed the puppy, instead of the name that is bigger than he is, it might have been more fitting to name him shadow. Not because he is dark colored, but because he is right behind or under me all around the house. I have to watch where I step so I don't squish the little guy, since he is right in the middle of whatever I am working on.

Sir Alphie loves me already and wants to be close to me. And that is exactly how we should be with God. Whatever God is doing should be so interesting to me that I want to be right in the middle of it. And this will be the safest and most fulfilling place for me to be. If the puppy is right behind me, I know that he is not lost in a giant laundry mountain and that Raegan is not carrying him around by his neck. Alphie also gets a lot more attention when he is under foot, he is always right there, which give me the opportunity to bend down and scoop him up, or pet him. Psalms 91:4a says, "He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge." For a chick to be under his mother's wing he has to be very close beside and that is just the picture this scripture is portraying. God wants us close by; with him all the time. Sometimes it is hard to believe God is close by, life gets crazy and we get distracted and start to wander off. But the Bible says," Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." (James 4:8) He desires to have us near him, following at His feet like little puppies, because He loves us and wants to show us what's best for us. Alphie has inspired me to try to walk so close to God that He wants to change MY name to shadow.

Power of Peace

Last night I had the honor of teaching our youth during the Wednesday Night Bible Study. Tommy hurt himself Tuesday night in a crazy little fall (that is a whole other post haha) and his neck was so sore Wednesday morning that he didn't feel good about teaching, so first thing he said when he woke up was, "Can you teach about peace and patience tonight?" Over the last few weeks we have started to dig into the Fruit of the Spirit and peace and patience was on the menu for this week. Through out the course of what is usually my busiest day of the week anyway, I had to pray for direction, do research, dissect some Greek, and put all that together into something I hoped would be helpful to the students. I was a little overwhelming, I am used to teaching small groups, usually of girls, but a room full of 50+ faces starring at me was unnerving!

Anyway as I was looking into all the scripture referring to peace something occurred to me; the peace of God, that kind that surpassing all understanding, can have amazing power in our lives! Peace is defined by Websters as freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety or obsession. All that stuff that we worry about steals our peace, when we care what others think about us it steals our peace, when we are obsessed or get distracted with anything it steals our peace. Now I know it is hard to keep all of that stuff out of our minds and hold tight to the peace of God, but the good thing is that God's Spirit wants to help us to focus on Christ and His sufficiency, which will in turn push our anxiety out and pour the peace in. When we remember that Jesus is enough and in Him we can be all He made us to be, the distractions shrink in comparison. And here is where the power of that peace gets even more amazing; when we are free from anxiety, distractions, obsessions, and annoyances we can live way bigger. We can go all out and be crazy for God because we know that when God is in something it is going to be awesome. It may not make sense or look normal, but living the way God wants us to is the most exciting, unpredictable, fulfilling life possible, and with out the peace of God filling our hearts we will be too scared or distracted to get it done. After discovering all this yesterday I am praying for more and more peace in my life so God can do something completely disproportional to anything this little girl could do alone!