I am 4 weeks away from my first half marathon. That sounded like a good idea a few months ago but now as it approaches I am second guessing this decision. THIRTEEN miles is a very long way!!! I must have lost my mind. The truth is the only reason I am doing it is to prove something to myself, but thats a whole other story for a different day.
Today my plan was to run 10 miles and then I would have plenty of time to add the last 3 miles before my race. So I woke up, got dressed and hit the road. I was anticipating my run taking over an hour and a half and we had a whole day of things we had to get done afterward so I was kind of in a hurry to get started. I decided I would run 5 miles away from home that way I would HAVE to run 5 miles to get back home and I couldn't find a shortcut and come back early. Sounds like a full proof plan, but boy was I wrong. The first half of the run was great and I even felt somewhat of a "runners high" on miles 3-6. But then the hills seem to get higher and the wind started blowing harder right into my face, my legs gained like 20 pounds each and worst of all my back started hurting to the point that I could barely breath. I was confused because just last week I had run 7.7 miles and survived just fine. But it quickly got to the point where I physically felt like I could not run any further, so I decided to walk for a minute and catch by breath and then finish up. I walked about half a mile and then tried running again but I could NOT do it. I was very disappointed in myself and upset that I wasn't going to be able to post a selfie #myfirstdoubledigitrunever. I kept trying to run again but my body would not cooperate with me. That's when it hit me I had made some crucial mistakes in preparing for my run. 1. I was all alone. 2. I was very thirsty with no plan of relieving that and 3. I had not eaten ANYTHING that morning, in fact I hadn't eaten much the night before either. The distance, hills and the wind were rough but I could have fought through them if I had not made those three mistakes. All of those factors together were just too much for me to handle. If I had someone there to encourage me, I really think I could have pushed through at least a little further. If I had something to drink, that would have helped so much. And most of all if I had the energy I needed from food, I would have definitely been able to finish my planned run for the day. But I didn't finish, in fact by the time I walked the last two miles back to the house I was feeling very dizzy and faint. The stupid thing is I did finish the 10 miles just not at all the way I had hoped, because when the road got hard I wasn't ready and I gave up.
The good thing about this botched run was it gave me some time to think and it occurred to me that life is a lot like my run was today. In life we have big plans and high hopes but then the path gets hard and we meet resistance and troubles and hardships. Everyone in the history of the world has experienced this, life is very rarely smooth and easy, instead it is bumpy and hilly and windy and rough and long. Junk happens and it hurts and we very much want to give up. A lot of times we do give up and no one blames us for doing so because they too know how hard life can be. But I think that if we took care of the three things I failed to do this morning we would be so much more likely to be able to keep going no matter how hard life gets.
1. We can NOT handle life's hard things, or even life's easy things for that matter on our own. We were not made to do life on a island we are made to be in fellowship with other people who can love and encourage us and even carry us when necessary. I know how hard this can be and how much we want to protect ourselves or our image and not let people in on the fact that we really are human and we really are struggling with things, but trying to run 10 miles alone is not a good idea and trying to carry the weight of the world alone is completely impossible. So stop trying so hard, its ok to not be ok, the truth is most people are not ok and they need help too but are probably as scared as you are to ask for it. "Carry each other's burdens , and in this way you fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) This verse says for us to help other people but implies that we let people help us too otherwise it would be impossible for them to fulfill this command. So find a running buddy who you can help you keep running when the hills are too high to see over.
2. When facing the inevitable hard times that life gives us it is imperative that we have something to drink and not just any drink will do, we need the kind of drink that won't run out after a few miles forcing us to stop and find more. We need the kind of water that Jesus talks about in John 7:38 "Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them." Jesus is talking about giving us His Spirit who will go with us through everything life could throw at us and sustain us no matter how hard it gets. That is an awesome promise and very comforting when it feels like things are too hard and their is no end in sight. If we drink deep of this Water we will not grow weak and give up when trials and tragedy come. We will still hurt and it will still be hard but we will have the strength to keep going knowing that the Spirit of God is right there with us. So drink deep and let Him help you keep running even when the wind is blowing hard in your face.
3. We need food to sustain us. Just like when running the same stands true in life as well. We are made with a hunger in us that can only be filled with the truths of God. This is where our sustenance comes from, but many of us stop with a very basic and often half truth about the Creator of all things including our very selves. We believe what other people might tell us or we hear a few things here and there and we are willing to accept them as truth and base our view of God on them. This cannot sustain us, we need real meat. And honestly an hour on Sunday morning is not ever going to be enough. I couldn't even run an hour and a half with an empty stomach, there is NO way we can go through the trials of life without being filled with the real whole truth of God. We need to eat several times a day and we need the truth of God just as often to remind us Who we belong to and how He feels about us. He has given us a whole book to share Himself with us but the catch is we have to get in there and eat it up. A Bible on the shelf can't feed you just like the chocolate milk in my fridge did me no good this morning. The more of the Word that we gobble up the more we are able to keep our eyes on what really matters instead of just focusing on the pain in our hearts. So get in the Word and find the nourishment you need to sustain you through any and everything that comes your way even if the road you face is so much longer than you expected.
As I limped along trying to run off and on the last couple miles back to my house this morning I wanted to cry because my back hurt and because I was upset that the morning hadn't gone as planned. I felt weak and doubted my ability to even keep training to run my race in a few weeks. I just wanted to sit down and give up. Even the vultures sensed my weakness and flew in circles over me waiting for me to kill over. Ok ok I might be exaggerating a little about the vultures but I was moving pretty slow. Everything seemed so much worse than it was because I was lonely, thirsty and super hungry. In a few days I will try again, but you better believe I will not repeat my mistakes from this morning. I pray that you too will learn from my mistakes and find the Godly friends, the Spirit and the truth of God that you need to not give up on this beautiful mess we call life!
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