Have you ever had one of those moments when things just kind of clicked for you and you understood a little something that never made sense before? A "aha!" moment? Well I am having an "aha!" season more so than a moment. God is opening my eyes to remember the past and how that is useful in the present.
For a couple months now I have had the privilege of delivering the children's sermon at the beginning of our worship service. I love doing it, but a couple weeks ago the sermon was going to be over Paul's thorn in his flesh; something he asked God to remove, but God left so through Paul's weakness everyone could see God's strength. As soon as I saw this scripture I knew I was not going to enjoy talking about this, because it was pretty much exactly what God had been teaching me and it was going to get personal. It is one thing to sit in front of a congregation and cluck like a turkey (You had to be there I guess haha) it is an entirely different thing to sit in front of a congregation and expose your own weakness and weep for a couple hundred people to see. Many kind people approached me after my sobbing scene and thanked me for being vulnerable and through it God was teaching me. He showed me that I had to experience the "thorns" of my childhood and teenage years to be who I am today and that I need to be who I am to reach and love and minister to the people God has put in my life. If God had made everything perfect for me then I would be in no place to relate and emphasize with "my kids"! So I am learning to be thankful for thorns.
During this "aha!" season I have also been reminded of someone who was so very instrumental in pointing me toward God and encouraging me to find who I was and live as me. I found a note from one of my very dear high school teachers; a note of encouragement she had written me during some of the hardest days of my life. I thought the world of her and considered myself to be one of "her kids"! I cried as I remembered where I came from and how I am writing notes just like that to "my kids"! I could have crossed my name out at the top and hers at the bottom and readdressed it and no one would have guessed it wasn't from me, I sound just like her. That is crazy and humbling and overwhelming to me. I can completely empathize with "my kids" who are feeling alone or overwhelmed and need extra encouragement because that was me. She was EXTREMELY important in shaping my self-worth and choices during that time and to think I have anywhere near a similar influence makes me shake my head; God is amazing and He can use anyone! I needed her to be her who God made her to be so she could show me how to be who God made me to be so I could show others how to be who God made them to be so they will hopefully show others how to be who God made them to be and on and on! WOW!
All these "aha!"'s started me thinking about Christmas and how the great star breathing God could have thought of millions of options on how to arrive to redeem us, but He chose to come as one of us. He took Himself out of glory and became a tiny helpless baby, so that He could live like we do. He knows what it is like to be cold and tired and hungry, He has experienced loneliness and betrayal and has longed to just be with His Dad. He can empathize with us. Let that sink in... the God of heaven who created all things endured earth so He could empathize with YOU AND ME!! "For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16
During the middle of my thorny times or even as I was being encouraged I never once thought, "Someday I will be thankful for this, because I know God is molding me." But that is exactly what was happening and I can now say "Aha! God I see some of what you were doing!" I am so blessed and grateful to be where I am, doing what I am doing and I wouldn't trade any of the bumps and thorns and tears it took to get here!
