Serious Mixed Emotions

Several years ago our family experienced an extreme case of mixed emotions.  My brother was set to be married in just a short time when my elderly Penney Daddy aka grandfather took a turn for the worse.  He had been declining for quite some time and his wife of many many years, my precious Mom Bee (yes I know those are some strange names for grandparents) had passed away not to long before. Well long story short my hard working, loving and kind Penney Daddy died just days before the upcoming wedding. Now we were especially close to this set of grandparents, we saw them weekly if not daily for our entire childhood as they lived just minutes from our house and even got us off the school bus most afternoons. We would have big family suppers on the porch with some aunts and cousins on a regular basis when Penney Daddy would bring home KFC for the whole clan or my Mom Bee would fix us something delicious! Our Penney Daddy dying was terribly sad and hard for everyone even if we knew it was coming. And to add to it his youngest grandson was soon going to experience one of the greatest days of his life.  Getting things ready for a wedding a funeral in the same week was not something any of us wanted to do. My mom and her sisters quickly decided to have the funeral almost immediately so we could move forward in the week to the wedding and my Penney Daddy would have wanted it that way! I think the funeral ended up being on a Friday and the wedding the following evening. It was hard for everyone to balance all the emotions of that week! Should we be happy or sad? Should we cry or rejoice or do both in each of the venues? It was certainly not ideal but we all made it and off they went on their honeymoon with a very hard week in their rearview mirror.
I think that maybe I'm experiencing a smaller scale of some seriously mixed emotions of my own right now. I'm not sure how I should feel about anything. I want to cry and rejoice, I want to hold on to the past and let go to move forward. I am conflicted at best. Yesterday we said good bye to a church that has been our home for over four years- two of my girls were baptized there, my "family" is there along with some of the best friends I have ever had, and I have learned and grown so much there- I love that place. So in a way yesterday was like a funeral to me and boy did I cry! It's just hard to let go of something that you put so much of your heart and energy and life into.
But there is something coming on the horizon that I am super excited about! Tommy teased on Facebook for a few weeks now that we had some great news coming and everyone automatically assumed it was a baby announcement and though that is not the announcement is it very much like that! We are going to be pastoring a new church plant, a baby church I guess! A church that has never even had an actual service, it's brand spanking new! I am sure this is where God is leading and I am hopeful that we are going to experience some things that will blow our mind! So I am thrilled and ready to get going and move forward!
Which explains my mixed emotions, funerals and weddings are terrible in the same weekend. A funeral and a new baby would be just as hard. I guess I will just have to embrace the tears amidst the rejoicing for this season. The Bible says "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the  heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance...." I guess it never says those times will have defined boundaries!

Possums Attack

Last week I came home from the gym to the most disturbing sight!!! A POSSUM!!!!! In my opinion these creatures are the most vile and detestable animals in all of creation. I am not sure what happened to me as a child but I am sure there is a repressed memory of a traumatic event involving a possum. They are like huge rats except worse because they play dead and their tails are a mile long (and naked -YUCK)! Anyway this beast was in the back yard with the dogs and when I first saw it I thought my brave and fierce pets had ended its rampage of darkness but boy was I wrong, that little possum was playing possum!!! As soon as the dogs walked away it got up and tried to creep off!!! Well needless to say I freaked out!! I was screaming at my dogs to eat it or dig a hole and bury it or throw it into the neighbors yard. My dogs however thought it was just a toy to play with and they did not heed my frantic requests!

During this time on a normal day I get my coffee and my Bible and spend some Jesus time on the back porch, but this day I was a teense distracted!! I didn't read one verse and I didn't pray about anything except asking God to strike that disgusting monster with lightening!! I wasted a whole hour staring at something I hate because I didn't know where it was going or what it was doing and I sure didn't want it sneaking up behind me.

Then it occurred to me, this possum was just a baby (not at all cute or cuddly though) and what do babies have? Thats right Mamas and Dads and maybe even a whole slew of siblings. And what's worse is they could all be hanging over my head at this very moment. They could have lived in my tree as long as I have lived in this house. But I never worried about them before, I knew they could be anywhere, I mean this IS East Texas. So why was I wasting my precious Jesus time focused on this one little guy that was unlucky enough to show himself in broad daylight? But that is how we are isn't it? We hyper focus on the little things that seem out of control and neglect the things we can control like how we use our time and words. There is constantly a great number of possible "possums" hanging over our heads, anything could spin out of control at any moment, but honestly there is nothing we can do about all that. All we can do is do the best we can with what we have and trust God to take care of all the possibilities. We only have so much time allotted to us to spend as Jesus time, or to do anything for that matter, and I don't wanna waste any more time staring at a disgusting distraction when I could be sipping coffee and hearing from my Father! "Finally brother and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Phillipians 4:8. Try to take your eyes off all the possible dangers and distractions in your life and focus on any little good thing you can find and see if your whole outlook doesn't change!
Oh and just for the record- the possum "disappeared" with the help of a friend and I have yet to see any of his family hanging around, though without a doubt they are lurking somewhere! But I have resisted the urge to thoroughly search the treetops and instead actually spend my Jesus time with Jesus.