I see other people and all the things they pull off this time of year and I’m amazed, how is it even possible? Are you even real people? Y’all even make the Elf on the Shelf antics adorable and creative. (I’m so glad I didn’t have to live up to that when my kids were younger!) I see the perfect trees, the lights that are synchronized to music, the cookies that are too pretty to eat, the gifts that were not only thoughtfully chosen in October but look like they were wrapped in the North Pole, and I can’t help but feel a little ashamed or maybe jealous, because I couldn’t even pull all that off if I tried. No one will even come to my house just to look at how beautiful it is
Yesterday was a kinda strange Christmas, there weren’t many gifts. In fact there was only one per kid, because we are headed to go skiing as the whole family’s present instead. We are actually in route now so I will let you know if this whole giving an experience and memories instead of physical stuff was a great idea or a big flop in like 6 days. (We are about 5 hours down the road and have already had several major disagreements, to the point that Tommy actually turned to head home, so if that’s any indication, we should have a fun week 😬) We spent most of the day yesterday playing games and watching movies. I honestly stayed in the same pajamas until bed time and then changed into clean ones and I didn’t even brush my hair (not that unusual for me, I know I know). At one point during the day 6 of us were sitting at the table playing Joker when a song came on that reminded the girls of a song they used to always listen to in the car when they were younger. That lead into Tommy playing about a million songs from The Jonas Brothers, Camp Rock, High School Musocal and Miley Cyrus. The girls knew every words and enthusiastically sang along. It seems like yesterday that we were in that phase of life and watched those movies/shows on repeat. Then the song about the caterpillar turning into a butterfly from the Hannah Montana movie came on and Roo said “Hadley you’re almost that butterfly now, you’re anout to fly away.” I mean it’s not like I didn’t realize that, or haven’t thought about it. I actually can’t stop thinking about it, this season where I see my kids every day is quickly slipping away. In the next 2.5 years we will go from having 4 kids at home to just 1. Hadley and Caed are only 17 months apart so I can barely remember ever only having one kid. And I am not one of those parents who’s counting down the days until I get my life back. I am absolutely dreading having an empty nest. They are my joy and my greatest calling is to be their mama. Maybe I need more kids or maybe I’ll follow them to college or maybe I’ll kust have a break down. Oh wait I already had a break down and I’m sure many more are in my future. As soon as Roo said that the hot tears were spilling from my eyes and I quickly excused myself to have a good cry on the bathroom floor. Everyone has a teary meltdown locked in the bathroom on Christmas afternoon right? In just a couple Chriatmases I’ll have to contend with work and college schedules, soon to be followed by the tug of spouses and in-laws and then babies and who knows what all. The days when my babies are all under my roof at the same time for days on end is almost over. I can’t help but be so saddened by that reality. In fact I’m crying in the car as I type this.
When my kids look back on these Christmases that we spent together I pray they won’t say “can you believe how imperfect Mom was in her Christmas skills!” I hope they will remember the stories behind each ornament, the ones they made or had given to them and especially they ones they received each year from us, commemorating whatever they were into that year. I hope they will remember making cookies together, getting sprinkles everywhere and having fun. I hope they will remember the gifts, not because it was something they thought they had to have but because they were meant to show them we loved them and had listened to them through out the year. I hope that they will always love home and want to be there, not because it was always perfect and beautiful but because they always felt loved and cherished. I hope they will fondly remember our traditions and carry them on and add new ones with their own little families. I hope their houses will be warm and welcoming and as messy as necessary to live life and enjoy the people who God gives them.
Have fun, enjoy each stage and season. Make messes, play games, laugh and be silly. Don’t try to make everything perfect, a homemade birthday cake that turns out to be a mess will be a great memory one day. Your hand-me-down furniture and decorations are good enough. Your kids don’t care if their lunches, meals, bedroom, parties, holidays or anything is Pinterest worthy. They will remember what you did together, how you made them feel and who you shaped them to be. They grow up too fast, I know every granny at church has been telling you that since your baby shower, but trust me it’s sadly so true. Put your phone down, turn the TV off, play, laugh, read, dance, do things together, things that your littles will remember even when they become your bigs! Cut yourself some slack, no one is judging you as hard as you are judging yourself. It’s ok if everything is a hot mess as long as it’s a loving, fun hot mess! Being Pinterest worthy really isn’t going to have the same kind of impact that making memories with your family will have. Cherish these days, they’ll be gone in the blink of an eye.
