Saturday morning we woke up at 5:15 to get dressed and eat breakfast (I learned from experience that this is an absolute must on long run days- see my blog post "Running on Fumes"). It was already raining and had been for days, but since there was no lightening the race officials determined that the race would still take place. We headed to Baylor where the race would start, about an hour before go time, while it was still pitch black dark outside. I was getting very nervous by this time and so hoping that I would not embarrass myself. I just really, really wanted to finish, better yet to finish by running the entire way. We got out to where the race would start and there were sooooo many people! Thousands of them warming up, trying to stay dry, stretching and waiting around. Some of them looked very fit and had all the professional running gear on, some did not, some were very young and some were pretty old. But we were all there for the same reason, to torture ourselves haha. As we lined up to start, there were so many people and we were so far back in the herd that I couldn't even see the starting line. Then when the gun went off we had to take our first few steps at a walk as we waited on those in front of us to move toward where the race actually started. Within a couple minutes we were running and taking our first of many steps that day. The beginning was easy, the ground was flat and there were lots of people cheering and encouraging us. Those steps were not hard and the first few miles passed quickly. Then things got harder because the road went into a huge park that had many hills up and down. Quickly my steps became very labored, I wasn't just running anymore I was climbing up some pretty steep roads, but I was determined to keep running even if my running was the pace of a turtle and I felt like I was crawling. This went on for several miles, maybe 6, but I'm not even sure really. Going up the hills was killer on my legs but the steps going down the hills started to be killer on my feet as they were slapping down on the asphalt while I tried to use gravity but not literally roll all the way to the bottom. There were many places in this stretch where there were no spectators, no encouragers, no cheering, just me quietly taking steps toward the finish line that didn't seem to be getting me any closer. Those steps were hard fought, I could have easily quit. I could have quit and no one would have even known. Eventually the path slowly lead out of the park and back into the neighborhoods which was much more level again, but my steps did not seem to get any easier. As I passed the 10 mile marker every step I took was the farthest I have ever run in my entire life. For me those last 3 miles were the hardest mentally. I wasn't sure I could do it. I was tired and everything hurt. There were no friendly faces telling me I could do this and finish well. I was debating in my head as to why I had even agreed with this to start with and why it would matter if I didn't finish. Those were very hard steps. They were hard fought and each one was a battle. Then I came around a little curve in the sidewalk and I could see the bridge over to the finish line. I felt my pace pick up a little and I told myself that if I had come that far surely I could finish this last half mile. And I did. I wasn't pretty or fast or glamorous, but I finished and I had to fight back tears as I crossed the finish line. Had the course been easy and the distance short that last step would not have meant near as much to me. I was moved to emotion because I knew how long and hard the race had been for me and no one could know that but me. Many, many of the steps I took that morning were difficult and my body is definitely still feeling the toll those steps took on me. Not to mention all the countless steps that I took working up to race day.
A few months ago my sister in law asked me if I wanted to do a half marathon with her and since I am not that smart and I really do love a challenge I quickly told her I would. I was a runner in high school and had recently started running again, with in the last year. I enjoy the quiet of a run, the time to clear my mind and release some stress while enjoying the endorphins that sweating like that provides. By the time I was challenged to do a half marathon I had ran a couple of 5k races and enjoyed doing them, so I didn't think twice about running a longer race. I did not stop to consider just how much longer it would be, the jump from 3 miles to 13 is HUGE!! So I downloaded a half marathon training app, got an armband for my phone and bought some new running shoes and hit the track. This new phase of running started in November and each week I slowly increased the length of my runs on the weekends while trying to run at least a couple of times during the week. I am very competitive so I tried very hard to push myself to get faster and to go further. There were many steps in there that I honestly did not want to take, I wanted to stay home and be lazy, especially after school days, but I was always glad I went after I finished running for the day. Then in mid December I got sick and very busy and skipped a few weeks of training. That slowed me down and made the following weeks harder. Then I strained something in my foot and had to rest that for a few days. The steps after that hurt and if my half marathon spot hadn't already been paid for I would have quite possibly quit at that point, but I kept going because I knew I had to. Then the new year brought so many cold, wet days that some weeks did not allow for me to take very many steps at all. I was frustrated and worried since I wanted to finish the race and knew I would have to train hard to get there. Then just a month before my race I tried to run the longest distance of my life and it was a disaster and proved to be some impossible steps for me that day (once again read my "Running on Fumes" post). I was able to get one double digit run in before race day but that was still 3 miles worth of steps short of the half marathon. All of those miles together equalled 100,000 steps easy, steps on good days and bad days. Steps on warm days and cold days. Hard steps and easy steps. The process of training to get to the finish line was where the real work happened and its the only thing that made that last step meaningful at all. As I crossed that line, looking rough and tired and hurting all over, I was fighting tears because I knew how far I had really come and I how hard all those steps prior to that had been. The process strengthened me and built my confidence and taught me that I was stronger than I thought I ever could be. Without that long process that last step would not have meant anything.
I am convinced that this is true for life too. The majority of life is the process. We have a few finish line days, like graduation, new jobs, promotions, or any day that we seem to have accomplished a major feat. But the only thing that makes those moments meaningful is knowing the process it took to get there. The harder the road was leading to that big day the more of an accomplishment getting there will be. This goes even further into our spiritual lives. Those big "God days" when we feel like God is extra close or we really see Him move, those are the finish line kind of days. Those are just one step among many steps and the process is really so important in getting there. The spiritual process can often feel like a marathon. Its very very long, it has highs and lows, sometimes there are encouragers and sometimes you feel all alone. Sometimes you wanna give up and honestly wonder if it would matter if you did. But please hear me sweet friend, what you do day by day when you seem to just be trudging along matters. Even if no one knows what you're doing it matters. Even if you really don't feel like you are accomplishing much it matters. Those are the steps in the process that make those big God days even possible. None of us will ever be able to cross the finish line if we don't start out by stepping in that direction. Hang in there, please!!
One more thing I learned: Crossing the finish line on my first half marathon was really just part of the process for me anyway. It made me want to work harder and try again and finish faster. Even that last step is just a middle step in reality. The people around you need you to keep getting in the Word and praying and seeking. They need you to keep loving and giving and serving. They need you to keep moving forward and letting God change you from the inside out. And the truth is we will never really cross the finish line this side of Heaven, so just embrace the process that is slowly shaping you into who God intends you to be and keep putting one foot in front of the other toward knowing God better and loving others with everything He gives you!! By all means enjoy those days when you get to cross the finish line and let them propel you forward to do even more than you ever thought you were capable of. But just try to cherish the training days, the long hard days that seem endless and pointless, because that is where the real work on your soul is done! Keep running!
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